


Late at Night These Thoughts They Linger

by Miyanoai



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Late night talks, Mentions of other PT, Self-Hatred, Stress, mild PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-10 22:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17434727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyanoai/pseuds/Miyanoai
Summary: Ren wakes up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. For once someone is willing to listen to him instead of vice versa.





	Late at Night These Thoughts They Linger

**Author's Note:**

> A little drabble I wrote for a friend that I decided to share. I've been seeing a lot of talks about how know one really cares about Ren's feelings after what he goes through and I do agree the game isn't great at portraying it but Ren himself definitely seems too unbothered as well. Say what you want about Morgana but he's definitely in the best position to notice these things. Let him care!
> 
> Art was done by @hellakumi

_“Damn brat! I’ll sue!”_

_“This boy assaulted this young man…”_

_“This doesn’t look good for you, kid.”_

_“How could you shame our family this way? What came over you?!”_

_“I pronounce the defendant… guilty!”_

_“You’ve been expelled from your school as well. They refuse to hound a criminal.”_

_“You’re lucky another school has decided to take you. In Tokyo. You’ll be living out your probation there under a watchful eye.”_

_Ren..._

_“It’s best you’re away anyway so people can forget about this.”_

_“Just make sure to behave and maybe you come out of this without a reputation.”_

_“I won’t tolerate any messing around with you.”_

_Ren..._

_“I heard he assaulted someone…”_

_“I heard he carries a knife to school…”_

_“Don’t get near him or he’ll attack you!”_

_“Why did our school have to be the one to deal with him?”_

_“Maybe he’ll fuck up and get kicked out. He must know know no one wants him around.”_

 

“Ren!”

 

He suddenly awoke to the sound of his name, the remnants of the nightmares fading away. Or were they memories? Part of them felt too harsh to be so but at this point he couldn’t be sure.

 

He’d only realized how hard he had been panting once he tried to calm his breathing down. Eventually he became aware of his surroundings again. The lingering scent of coffee beans from downstairs. The light from the full moon filtering through his curtainless windows. A small weight on his chest accompanied by a pair of large, blue eyes staring down at him with concern.

 

“It’s a little hard to breath with you sitting there, Morgana.” he mumbled, sleepily. The feline glared at his avoidance but crawled off nonetheless.

 

“You were crying in your sleep.” Ren raised a hand to his cheek, confused when he didn’t feel any tears.

 

“Well you were crying out, anyway. It sounded like a really bad dream.” Ren shuffled underneath the covers more. “They’ve been occurring a lot more recently. Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

“Wouldn't you rather me going back to sleep?” he asked with a glance to the time on his phone, for once actually preferring to do so.

 

“Tomorrow’s Sunday. And I think I could let it slide this once. It’s not good to keep these things bottled up.”

 

“I just… don’t want to bother anyone with it. It’s nothing I’m not used to at this point.” Ren muttered, pushing his face further into his pillow as if that would help make the outside world disappear, just for the night at least. Morgana was silent, and he’d thought he’d finally dropped the subject but he assumed too soon.

 

“You don’t have to keep holding it in, you know.” He didn’t respond. “I always see how much you always focus on others. You listen to their troubles. You help them with their problems. And you never once ask for anything in return.”

 

“Because I don’t need anything in return. I’m not the type of person to do things just to get something out of it.” Morgana sighed.

 

“Of course you’re not. That’s what’s so great about you, amongst other things.”

 

_‘As if’_ he thought. There were times like these, brought upon with no warning, where he couldn’t understand what people saw in him. Outside the metaverse, he was a coward, he was clumsy, he was a loser. Just a guy who would on occasion help some people like a normal good samaritan should. Morgana’s voice broke him from his self-deprecating thoughts.

 

“But I know you’re not perfect. Nobody is. And you have things that trouble you too. You’re allowed to talk about them, you know.”

 

“Like I said, it’s not a big deal.”

 

“That’s hard to believe with everything you’ve been through. What with the arrest and suddenly living in a new place, and learning about the metaverse…”

 

“And getting a pet that talks and follows me everywhere.” Ren retorted, causing the not-cat’s  fur to bristle.

 

“Not funny…” But he let it go as it got Ren to crack a smile.

 

“Anyway, it’s a lot and you can’t tell me that it hasn’t affected you in the slightest, despite your calm demeanor. Even if it’s not a big deal now, it will get worse later on.”

 

“So what if it has?! It’s not like talking about it will change what happened!” Morgana shrank back on instinct with his ears flattened from his outburst. Ren immediately felt regret and cursed yet another part of himself. The impulsive part that caused him to act before thinking.

 

“Sorry…” he relaxed, as did Morgana.

 

“But talking about it can help remind you that it wasn’t your fault.” he spoke carefully.

 

“I know it wasn’t my fault.”

 

“Do you?”

 

“I do.” Ren insisted. “I just… sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I’d never gotten involved. Or if I just never saw it. Or if some other school took me in? Would any of this have happened? Could I have still… met any of you?” Morgana didn’t reply, only twitching his ears in response. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m really needed around here. If things wouldn’t just go on the same without me.”

 

“It wouldn’t!”

 

“Wouldn’t it? Ryuji could’ve entered Kamoshida’s palace alone and found you. He and Ann already knew each other and if things had proceeded the same way, they could have started the Phantom Thieves without me, and with your help found the others as well.” He completely disregarded the fact the he was the one that Igor spoke to and gave the original app to. Surely anyone else could fill that spot.

 

“That’s silly. Of course we need you. You’re our leader.”

 

“But why? Just because of my abilities? The things they said about me at school… that they still say. Some of it is true. That I’m different, that I don’t belong.”

 

“Now you know that’s not–”

 

“I can wield multiple personas which even you said was abnormal. And no one in our group has ever been arrested, not even Ryuji. Even amongst our group, I’m the odd one out.”

 

“That’s not–”

 

“And you’d obviously make a better leader, along with Makoto. You know so much more and Makoto is Makoto. I’m much more likely to lead everyone to their deaths. In fact it’s because of me that everyone is involved. If not for me, they wouldn’t be risking their lives like this. They would be–”

 

“Would you snap out of it?!” He felt  a light smack on his face as Morgana used his small paw to deal him the equivalent of a slap. Ren blinked a few times, gripping his chest as he allowed his breathing to calm again. He always had ways of distracting himself when the anxiety hit before. And he rarely spoke out loud in order not to risk revealing his stress.

 

“Are you feeling better?” Morgana asked after a while.

 

“For now…” he answered with a raspy voice, wiping his eyes. Ah, there were the tears.

 

“Well then, allow me to reassure some of your troubles for once. Everyone is part of this team for their own reasons. No one is forced to stay, but they do. They all want to help, not out of obligation, but for what they believe is right. And it had to be you there in the beginning. Let’s be real, Ryuji and I get along like cats and dogs. _Don’t_ say anything.” he added when Ren cracked a smile again.

 

“It would have never worked out with just us. And you were the one who spoke to Lady Ann about standing up for herself, which led to her ultimately joining us. And Futaba only knew how to contact us because _you_ lived here. You’ve caused countless of things to happen. I don’t know how, but I just know we all wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you and I’m sure the others would agree.

 

“And that’s also why you’re our leader. Because we trust you to make the right decisions, even when you don’t always believe you can. We have faith in you. And you’re strong too. I know you think you’re just faking for us or for yourself. But I really think you are. I doubt many people could go through what you did.”

 

“I was...terrified during that interrogation… Of what was happening to me. Of the potential death. I really… I didn’t really want to do it.” he whispered, clenching the sheets in his hands.

 

Morgana was silent for a moment, looking down, before speaking again.

 

“I know...I know what we did was risky. We shouldn’t have put you through that. But you went through it anyway. Because you trusted us. Just like we trust you. And don’t forget, it was your own explanation and charm that got you through.” Ren smiled at that. Okay, so maybe he could admit to himself that he’d gained some skills over the last few months.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled after a while.

 

“For what?”

 

“For these… dumb thoughts I guess? I already know everything you said but, I guess I still find it hard to believe sometimes.” He lay back down, feeling suddenly exhausted. Morgana leapt onto his chest, lying down as well.

 

“I feel like we all get those moments. It seems it’s just a natural part of being human.”

 

“Must make the idea of being human not as great I suppose.” he said, scratching the back of Morgana’s neck.

 

“You kidding? I get those feelings too, so it just further proves I’m really human. Besides, it’s not right to only accept the good and not the bad.” He rested his head down, purring from the strokes. “Humans are complicated, but I think that’s part of what makes them so great.”

 

“I suppose…” Ren mumbled. “Sorry for all that talk about being different. I didn’t even consider you.”

 

“ Don’t be,” Morgana replied, eyes already closed. “We all have our own differences too. It’s what brings us together. You belong here just like the rest of us, and you’re just as loved if not even more. You have a right to be scared after everything. And we should pay attention to that more. So from now on that’s what I’m gonna do. Because even if you don’t do thing to get anything back, it’s not fair if you don’t have someone to talk to when you listen to so much. Know that we’ll always be here for you whenever you need. And I’ll keep telling you that, until you get so tired of it, you’ll fall asleep on your own.”

 

Ren tried not to chuckle too much for fear of bucking him off. The weight for once was reassuring. He allowed the quiet purrs to lull him back to a nightmare less sleep, knowing that whatever happened the next day, regardless of his fears, he’d keep moving forward.

 


End file.
